losing scout

Thursday, February 20, 2014

I never used to be a dog person. In fact, I couldn't really understand how people could love dogs so much. It's not that I didn't like them; I did. I just found them a bit slobbery and stinky.

And then one day my dad bought a puppy. The cutest ball of fluff you ever did see, and it was love at first sight. She grew up to be the sweetest, funniest, most adventurous and smartest dog around. I didn't care that she was slobbery and a bit stinky; she was ours and we loved her.

Scout was my dad's dog but my mom, my brother and I took care of her a fair bit. I used to take her rock climbing with me and she would hang out at the bottom of the cliff until occasionally you would look up and see her at the top of the climb. She hated to be apart from her people so if she could, she would dart up to make sure everyone was safe. Her herding instinct never went away.

I really don't think it's an exaggeration to say that Scout changed my life, for the better. When I realised how much I could love an animal, it made me want to stop eating other animals. I would look into her big brown eyes and think, "if I'm not prepared to eat her, then I shouldn't be able to eat any other animal either." I still don't.

Mostly she taught me just how clever and amazing animals really are. Fiercely loyal, she loved my whole family but my dad best of all. When he went away she was never quite herself, until he would come back and she would get so excited she would pee.

Following the car accident in Mexico, my dad looked for her but never found her. Searching for a lost dog in a Mexican city is like looking for a needle in a haystack. He's back at home now, without her. I can't even tell you how many tears have been shed in the process. The hardest part is the not knowing. There have been a couple of sightings so we know that she was alive, but now, who knows? I worry about her constantly, wondering if she has enough to eat, a safe place to sleep or if she is injured. Every day I hope that she is ok, and that someone has found her and is looking after her.

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I probably won't see her again. I will miss her, always.

a letter to my dog / puppy fever


  1. i'm so sorry to read about your loss. the worst part must be not knowing what happened to her. i hope that she turns up alive and healthy.

  2. How heartbreaking. We have a Scout and everyone jokes that she's my spirit animal but what they don't know is that it's true. I hope you find peace and maybe even you dog.

  3. I can't even fathom what you are experiencing. Dogs truly are a man's best friend. My two boys are my everything and I would be devastated if I lost them. I'll be keeping you both in my prayers. Hoping you find peace eventually.

  4. I'm so so sorry, losing a pet is devastating. I'll think positive for you and pray for Scout's return, miracles do happen.

  5. This is SO heartbreaking it made me tear up. I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry for your family's loss and I hope somehow she is returned to you. The unknown makes it hard to find peace, I'm sure. I hope you can. :(

  6. Oh God, I'm so sorry. Truly. Have you all shared her with all of the massive rescue community on facebook? I'm heavily involved in dog rescue and the amount of pages and people involved have helped bring dogs back home (and save endless lives from death row at shelters) blows my mind on the daily. If you guys haven't gotten her circulated on missing dog pages (both in the states, mexico and canada - that's where you're from right? if not please ignore that part), definitely go for it. If you have already, please forgive the comment. I just realize so many don't know because most aren't crazy obsessive dog rescue folk. If you want any direct links, email me from my contact page or comment back here and I'll send you some. Wherever she is, she knows she is loved fully.

  7. Oh Gaby, I'm so sorry :( It must be so hard not knowing whether she is ok. I love my little Fur Kid so, so much and would be completely devastated if I ever lost her. I know it's trite, but try to take some comfort in the fact that you gave Scout a wonderful life full of love, and she loved you in return. xox

  8. Our heart breaks for you, Gaby. Sending love and light, to you, and across the oceans to your family.

    Sar & Sam xx

  9. I can so relate to this post and I am so, so sorry to read about Scout. I can only imagine how this must feel. I have been like you, when it came to dogs. I even have to admit, secretly I sometimes made fun of people and their attachment to their dogs. Well, only until Emma, our dog came into our life and things have changed forever.

  10. This absolutely breaks my heart! I am so sorry!!! :( If we ever lost one of our dogs, I would be a mess! So sorry! Keeping you all in my thoughts!

  11. i am so sorry. thinking of you and your family!

  12. Oh my :(
    The not knowing if she's ok part is probably worse than your pet just dying ...
    I am very, very sorry.
    I pray she found some nice people who are now taking care of her.
    She looks beautiful, maybe she blinked with an eye and someone fell in love with her :)

    Lots of love

  13. Gaby, I'm just catching up with your posts now, and I'm absolutely heart broken to hear this!! I know all too well what amazing friends dogs become! Sending SO much love & peace to you!!! xoxo

  14. Oh, Gaby, that is so so so heartbreaking! I can't believe she got lost after a car accident. What a tragedy. Kellie xx

  15. So sad to read about your loss :( Over a year ago our dog ran off after the door was accidentally left open and our whole family searched for the entire day for her. I was walking with my dad and he received a phone call from my mum to tell us that someone had found her and she was safe...my dad fell to his knees and bawled...I've never seen him react like that to anything so it was so emotional to see him that way! Dogs really do have a way of touching our lives in the most incredible ways imaginable. I truly hope Scout is being taken care of by a family as loving as yours.


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