portrait photography: stella

Last week I got to photograph my friend Stella, who wanted some photos for her business. We were going for a cosy, wintery vibe and I love how these turned out. It's been unseasonably warm here lately, but we met early in the morning when it was cold enough to wear scarves and cup our hands around hot mugs of coffee. Despite the fact that Stella warned me she hates having her photo taken, we had a great time and she was a brilliant model!

Stella is a yoga teacher and health coach, as well as a PR wizard. I'm always glad when I get the chance to go to her classes, especially her yin classes, which always leave me feeling so relaxed. You can find out more about her and the work she does here.

blerg

I had high hopes for this week. I had several blog posts written in my head and photos waiting to be uploaded. I also had lots of errands and to do's on my list, as well as friends I wanted to see. Instead, the stomach flu hit. Again. In the words of Liz Lemon, blerg.

It started with Clementine on Saturday; she had a mild tummy bug which seemed to clear by that evening. On Monday night my husband and I came down with a not at all mild version of the bug and spent most of the night throwing up. It was miserable. Even worse though, was the day we had yesterday. My husband had to go to work which left me alone with the little one, who was being her normal active self. I tried desperately to find someone to help me, to no avail, and then I cursed my status as an expat parent. I just kept thinking, if only my mom was here to help me…

I really wasn't coping so my husband came home from work a few hours early and took Clementine to the park. I fell into a deep sleep and only woke up once it was dark. Today we're all feeling much better, not 100% but getting there. And I managed to find a couple of babysitters to come and help me out, for which I am very thankful.

In happier news, we booked our flights to Canada! The plan was to go in July, for my bestie's wedding and also just because we love summer in Vancouver. Sadly, the fares were insanely expensive and after looking for several months we had to give up. Last week we found a sale fare over Christmas, and after hemming and hawing we booked them. I realised that it's been five years since I was home for Christmas, so we're all quite looking forward to it.

I'm also looking forward to this weekend, because we're taking family photos with Gui and Michaela. I have many beautiful mother daughter photos thanks to the sling diaries, but the last time we had family photos taken Clementine was just two months old. I can't wait to see what they capture this time around!

for the love of books

I recently went to someone's home for the first time. A beautiful, impeccably styled house - it was the kind of place you'd see in a magazine. But I couldn't help but think there was something strange about it. I couldn't put my finger on why until I came home and told my husband about it. Then it hit me, the house had no books! None. Not a single bookshelf (as far as I could see).

It was such an odd realisation because I've always felt that books make a home. My parents are both voracious readers who modelled a love of books from early on. My mom always reads before bed, and whenever we go to visit my dad, he can almost always be found in his green chair, with the CBC playing in the background and his nose in a book. In our little apartment, our living room alone has four overflowing bookcases. Each bedroom has two nightstands piled high with books; there are, quite literally, books everywhere. And whenever we try to do a de-clutter of our home, I always find that books are the hardest to part with.

Everyone told me that once I had a baby I wouldn't have the time to read anymore. I haven't found that to be the case though. Sure, there are times when my brain is so fried I'd rather read a magazine or a blog, but most of the time I have at least one book on the go. There's just something so nurturing about cozying up with a good book and a cup of tea, which is what I often do while Clementine naps. I'm particularly fond of what I call "gentle books." Stories by authors like L.M. Montgomery (my favourite!) and Alexander McCall Smith, who write about normal people and simple things. The stuff of the everyday. Some of my favourite reads from the last few months include: The Signature of All Things, The Snow Child, Operating Instructions, Behind the Scenes at the Museum and Bertie's Guide to Life and Mothers.

Clementine has her very own bookshelf as well, and it's filled with beautiful picture books in English, French and Spanish. For her birthday she received a stack of books (the best gift) and two of my favourites are: Gulf Island Alphabet and Pride & Prejudice: A Counting Primer. Her favourites are any books that have lift-the-flaps included like: Brown Bear, Brown Bear and Dear Zoo.

What have you been reading lately?

breathing space

I've been noticing a subtle but important shift these last few weeks. Clementine turning one has given me some breathing space, and goodness is it ever appreciated.

There's no denying that motherhood, and the first year especially, is all consuming. When you have a baby who isn't a great sleeper and who relies on you as their food source, you're pretty much tethered to them 24/7 for at least a year. Now that Clementine is a little bit bigger, more independent and eating three meals a day, I find that I'm able to leave her for longer stretches of time. The weekends have become dad time, and she is loving it.

This weekend was especially busy for me. On Saturday I taught my usual yoga class and had my first girls' night out in, oh I don't know… a year? It felt so good to be out at night, wearing clean clothes and letting my hair down (both literally and figuratively). Sunday was spent taking photos. I did three shoots: one for a friend's business, one for an article about chai tea and one for friend and fellow yoga teacher. It was a long day, and I was wiped by the end of it (especially because I still had to duck home to breastfeed, get props etc) but I also felt so inspired.

As well as working on creative projects, I've also been able to prioritise my own wellbeing now that I'm not so mind numbingly tired all the time. For the last few Fridays I've left Clementine with one of her grandparents so that I can go to a yoga class and treat myself to lunch. Last Friday I even got a massage, my first in nine months.

I love being a mom. I really, really do. But it's good to know that I'm still me, with my own interests and friends.

newborn photography: hannah

A week after taking these photos of Helen, little Hannah entered the world early on a Sunday morning. I went to visit the new family of four when she was just five days old. A tiny little thing (weighing under 3 kg!) with the sweetest cheeks and pouty lips, she made the perfect model. I could have photographed her all day (and did take around 300 photos - culling for this post was hard). It was almost enough to make me clucky, almost...

12 month clementine (and a video!)

Twelve month old Clementine is FUN! Girl is seriously extroverted and just loves to play. She's obsessed with other kids, and if they happen to be smaller than her, well then they'll be smothered by her kisses and hugs. If they're bigger than her, then she'll follow them around laughing. She loves to be the centre of attention and whenever I take her to playgroups and sing-alongs she insists on climbing all over whoever is leading the activity. 

This month Clementine has:

• Learned to give kisses. They're open-mouthed slobbery kisses and we love them. 
• Become very, very determined. And when she doesn't get what she wants… oh dear. This makes me genuinely afraid for the terrible twos. 
• Decided that she needs to feed herself. My kitchen floor has never looked better...
•  Become quite attached to her stuffed animals and dolls. She cuddles them, carries them around with her and kisses the top of their heads. It's the cutest. 

And lastly, she started walking! She took her first few steps the day after her birthday. The look on her face was priceless. She's all wide eyed and wobbly, like a little drunk zombie. Every day she grows a bit more confident, and I'm sure it won't be long before she's running away from me.

So there we have it, one full trip around the sun. The best and most exhausting year of my life. 

I love you Clementine, thank you for making me a mom. It's my favourite thing.

p.s. the song is Clementine by Megan Washington
p.p.s. Clementine's dress in the photos is c/o Joules. Her cardigan was handmade by my abuela, who died when I was 8 months pregnant. It is so special to me and I hope Clementine keeps it forever.

cinco de mayo 1st birthday party

A few hours after Clementine was born, we were sitting in our hospital room talking and we realised that it was the 5th of May (it had been a long week). We decided then and there that for Clementine's first birthday we would throw a big Mexican fiesta, in honour of our cinco de mayo girl.

On Sunday afternoon, we did just that. Our friends and family gathered in my husband's parents' backyard to celebrate Clementine turning one. It was a perfect autumn day (just like the day she was born) and we played outside until the sun went down and extra layers were needed.

As for the party itself, I tried to avoid the pressure to create the "perfect" first birthday (no Pinterest for me…). We kept it simple and sweet, with little details like a store bought piñata and colourful bunting to decorate. I was so excited to wear our first matching mother/daughter outfits - beautiful Mexican dresses and tights. We served coronas and kept the food easy with a make your own taco bar and lots of tortilla chips. For dessert, I made mango cheesecake, brownies and these zucchini cupcakes. Clementine got one of the cupcakes and oh my, did she ever enjoy it! In fact, she seemed to enjoy the whole day very much. She was sweet and giggly, slightly confused by all the attention but happy to be playing with her friends and eating cake!

Some details:

• The invites were designed by my friend Alanna of Bitter Red
• My mother in law made the oilcloth bunting and Clementine's bib (along with cooking, cleaning and decorating!)
• We used these free printables to decorate
• My dress is a Little Tienda dress (borrowed from Theresa, thanks lady!) and Clementine's is a hand me down from her cousin who lived in Mexico
• the photos of Clementine and I were taken by Pia

o n e

And just like that, our baby girl is 1.

p.s. Thank you to everyone who left comments on my last post. I've gone back and replied to everyone individually in the comments section. Thank you again, they made my day.

on blogging

I think I'm having a blogging crisis of faith. There's no one thing I can blame - just a combination of factors leading me to re-evaluate what I do here. There's a part of me that loves blogging and wants to continue indefinitely, but there's also a part of me that's over it. Within this niche of lifestyle parenting blogs, I'm over the cliquiness, the meanness (on sites like gomi) and the materialism.

I've been noticing lately that it seems like Instagram is taking over. I used to get so many wonderful comments on my blog that would lead to conversations over email, and relationships formed. Nowadays, I get way more comments on Instagram photos than I do here, and I'm left wondering, is anyone reading? Perhaps this is just the direction we're going - more towards micro-blogging, where Instagram and Facebook will replace longer posts.

Then there's the question of privacy… An irresolvable issue that comes with the territory of blogging. I've always been careful to maintain my privacy (and to completely protect my husband's) but now I'm left struggling with what to do about my daughter. I love sharing photos of her, connecting with other mothers and reflecting on our journey as a family. But I worry about this whole generation of children, growing up online without much say in the matter. Is it fair of me to share what I do, or will 10 year old Clementine prefer I hadn't? I wasn't too worried about this before now, but with her first birthday approaching, I feel the need to re-assess where I stand.

Monetisation has also been on my mind. I know this is a loaded topic, and the truth is that I think it's great that people are able to turn their blogs into a career. That said, I'm finding all of the sponsor posts, and c/o's in blogland overwhelming. It seems to counter the message of minimalism that is often portrayed. Personally, I'm all for supporting independent businesses and other bloggers (hence the links on my sidebar, all of whom are friends I trade with) but I have made the choice to turn down opportunities to work with big companies, especially if their values and ethics don't align with my own. It's a decision I stand by, even if it means turning down a paycheque. I really value all of you who come here, read my stories and share your own and I never want you to feel that my content is influenced by financial incentives.

Another worry of mine is time. I can be a perfectionist, and the writing, photography, editing, and formatting of a post can take me a long time. For this reason I've been blogging a bit less lately; where I used to post 4 to 5 times a week, I now post once or twice. Sometimes I have so many ideas in my head they could be a month's worth of posts, but I'm learning to just let some things go. I'm also learning to find the balance between being in the moment/documenting the moment. This is a hard one for me as photography is truly a passion of mine, but sometimes I just need to leave the phone and the camera at home and be with my daughter and my husband.

Given all of that, I will continue this space because I love it and I'm not ready to let it go. So many beautiful blessings have come about because of this blog, and for now, they outweigh the negatives.

How do you feel about blogging?