the cold

The cold finally arrived this weekend, about a week after the official start of winter. We woke up under our cozy duvet and my husband said to me, "wow, you were cuddly last night." A sure sign of the weather; I usually want as much personal space as possible. After six years here, I'm becoming a total wuss. Once the temperature drops below 25 degrees, I start carrying a sweater with me, just in case. When I lived in Vancouver, anything above 20 degrees meant summer. It's amazing how you adapt.

We've had quite a nice long weekend. On Sunday the three of us drove up to the Central Coast for Mason's birthday party. On the way there we went to Bouddi National Park, where I did a maternity shoot for a beautiful couple. I've never been before, but oh my is it ever beautiful there! It was wild and windy, but we rugged up Clementine and she had a wonderful time playing on the sand and exploring the cliffs. Afterwards, she wore her party dress and enjoyed the ruckus that is a kids' birthday party. We ended the day at our friends' place back in Sydney, where the social butterfly entertained us all with her shenanigans. By the time I put her to sleep, I was exhausted but buzzing with nervous energy from our day. I forced myself to unplug, do a restorative yoga practice and drink tea while reading my latest book. Tonight I'm aiming for another early bedtime because the baby (I wonder how long I can keep calling her that?) keeps waking up between 4:00 and 5:00am, not my preferred time to start the day. Here's hoping it's just a phase.

I hope you're all enjoying the last of your weekends, long or otherwise.

blerg

I had high hopes for this week. I had several blog posts written in my head and photos waiting to be uploaded. I also had lots of errands and to do's on my list, as well as friends I wanted to see. Instead, the stomach flu hit. Again. In the words of Liz Lemon, blerg.

It started with Clementine on Saturday; she had a mild tummy bug which seemed to clear by that evening. On Monday night my husband and I came down with a not at all mild version of the bug and spent most of the night throwing up. It was miserable. Even worse though, was the day we had yesterday. My husband had to go to work which left me alone with the little one, who was being her normal active self. I tried desperately to find someone to help me, to no avail, and then I cursed my status as an expat parent. I just kept thinking, if only my mom was here to help me…

I really wasn't coping so my husband came home from work a few hours early and took Clementine to the park. I fell into a deep sleep and only woke up once it was dark. Today we're all feeling much better, not 100% but getting there. And I managed to find a couple of babysitters to come and help me out, for which I am very thankful.

In happier news, we booked our flights to Canada! The plan was to go in July, for my bestie's wedding and also just because we love summer in Vancouver. Sadly, the fares were insanely expensive and after looking for several months we had to give up. Last week we found a sale fare over Christmas, and after hemming and hawing we booked them. I realised that it's been five years since I was home for Christmas, so we're all quite looking forward to it.

I'm also looking forward to this weekend, because we're taking family photos with Gui and Michaela. I have many beautiful mother daughter photos thanks to the sling diaries, but the last time we had family photos taken Clementine was just two months old. I can't wait to see what they capture this time around!

for the love of books

I recently went to someone's home for the first time. A beautiful, impeccably styled house - it was the kind of place you'd see in a magazine. But I couldn't help but think there was something strange about it. I couldn't put my finger on why until I came home and told my husband about it. Then it hit me, the house had no books! None. Not a single bookshelf (as far as I could see).

It was such an odd realisation because I've always felt that books make a home. My parents are both voracious readers who modelled a love of books from early on. My mom always reads before bed, and whenever we go to visit my dad, he can almost always be found in his green chair, with the CBC playing in the background and his nose in a book. In our little apartment, our living room alone has four overflowing bookcases. Each bedroom has two nightstands piled high with books; there are, quite literally, books everywhere. And whenever we try to do a de-clutter of our home, I always find that books are the hardest to part with.

Everyone told me that once I had a baby I wouldn't have the time to read anymore. I haven't found that to be the case though. Sure, there are times when my brain is so fried I'd rather read a magazine or a blog, but most of the time I have at least one book on the go. There's just something so nurturing about cozying up with a good book and a cup of tea, which is what I often do while Clementine naps. I'm particularly fond of what I call "gentle books." Stories by authors like L.M. Montgomery (my favourite!) and Alexander McCall Smith, who write about normal people and simple things. The stuff of the everyday. Some of my favourite reads from the last few months include: The Signature of All Things, The Snow Child, Operating Instructions, Behind the Scenes at the Museum and Bertie's Guide to Life and Mothers.

Clementine has her very own bookshelf as well, and it's filled with beautiful picture books in English, French and Spanish. For her birthday she received a stack of books (the best gift) and two of my favourites are: Gulf Island Alphabet and Pride & Prejudice: A Counting Primer. Her favourites are any books that have lift-the-flaps included like: Brown Bear, Brown Bear and Dear Zoo.

What have you been reading lately?

breathing space

I've been noticing a subtle but important shift these last few weeks. Clementine turning one has given me some breathing space, and goodness is it ever appreciated.

There's no denying that motherhood, and the first year especially, is all consuming. When you have a baby who isn't a great sleeper and who relies on you as their food source, you're pretty much tethered to them 24/7 for at least a year. Now that Clementine is a little bit bigger, more independent and eating three meals a day, I find that I'm able to leave her for longer stretches of time. The weekends have become dad time, and she is loving it.

This weekend was especially busy for me. On Saturday I taught my usual yoga class and had my first girls' night out in, oh I don't know… a year? It felt so good to be out at night, wearing clean clothes and letting my hair down (both literally and figuratively). Sunday was spent taking photos. I did three shoots: one for a friend's business, one for an article about chai tea and one for friend and fellow yoga teacher. It was a long day, and I was wiped by the end of it (especially because I still had to duck home to breastfeed, get props etc) but I also felt so inspired.

As well as working on creative projects, I've also been able to prioritise my own wellbeing now that I'm not so mind numbingly tired all the time. For the last few Fridays I've left Clementine with one of her grandparents so that I can go to a yoga class and treat myself to lunch. Last Friday I even got a massage, my first in nine months.

I love being a mom. I really, really do. But it's good to know that I'm still me, with my own interests and friends.

f i v e

Five years ago today, we woke up on a farm in Mudgee. Over breakfast and coffee, I looked out the window and asked our friend/best man/witness, "do you think it's going to rain?"

"Not a chance, Gary,*" he replied, "not a chance."

A few hours later, right before our wedding was to begin, it started to pour. We had to change the location of our ceremony 10 minutes before it was to happen.

So our wedding wasn't perfect, and neither is our marriage. Sometimes I think we have to remind ourselves of that fact when we look around this blog world of ours; no one has a perfect relationship. But we laugh a lot, say "I love you" every day, and sometimes we say "I'm sorry" too. And five years in, I can genuinely say that we are happy, in love and enjoying where we are. For that, I am grateful.

*inside joke between our friends, who have been calling me Gary for 6 years now

away: to the south coast

While my mom was here last month, we went down the South Coast for a few days. When we left Sydney we intended to stay for just one night, but we changed our minds as soon as we got there. It was just too good. I always love getting out of the city, and the South Coast really is the most magical place. The green rolling hills come right down to the ocean, and while you're swimming in the sea you can see cows grazing in a field next to you.

Some of our favourites from our short trip include:

• In Kiama, we loved the shop Deer Willow. My mom and I picked up matching Turkish beach towels that are so nice, they double as a drapey scarf.
• We stayed here, which was very kid friendly and has a beach and a pool. Score.
• In Berry, we had lunch at the famous Berry Sourdough Cafe. I know the lines there can be insane (we were there midweek and it was totally fine) but luckily there's Milkwood Bakery if you just can't wait for your pastries and coffee.
• Upon a recommendation from a friend, we checked out Harp Handmade in Berry. Beautiful Australia-made clothing and gelato, what could be better?
• Me oh my did I love the rock pool at Werri Beach. 

my no buy month

unrelated photos from our wander through Wendy Whiteley's garden

Way back in December, I went on one of my annual de-cluttering sprees. I even managed to get my husband on board, and between the two of us we donated more than a carload of things to our local thrift shop. It's truly amazing how much we have managed to accumulate in the 5 and a half years we've been living together, especially considering that I moved here in 2009 with just two suitcases.

Of course, I know that all the de-cluttering in the world is just a temporary solution. I started thinking that to really make a difference, we had to get to the root of the problem: buying stuff. So I decided to spend the month of February buying nothing but the essentials, which I deemed to be food, petrol, and basic household necessities like toilet paper. Now, I wasn't overly strict with myself. As a mum to a baby, most of my social life revolves around catching up with friends over coffee or tea, so I let myself spend money at cafes. I also had to cheat once; my husband's birthday is in February and I figured he wouldn't be thrilled to hear, "Surprise! It's no-buy month so I didn't get you anything!"

But other than that, my project went surprisingly well. One of the things I noticed is that because I knew I couldn't buy anything, I never went into shops (not even thrift shops) and as a result, I saved time and money. I normally have a running list of things I'm on the hunt for and I'll often let myself buy something from my list if I find it on sale. In February I found a pair of sandals that I loved, and they were a steal. I didn't buy them thanks to my commitment to no buy month, and in March, when I could buy them, I resisted. I learned that when I want something, I should write it down and wait, and wait… Often, the urge to buy just goes away. Other times, I'll find what I want for very little money at a thrift shop, which is what happened this month. A candleholder was one of the things on my list, and I spent all of March looking for the perfect one. Eventually I found what I wanted at Vinnie's for $3; it took me over a month but it was worth it.

The no buy month also made me evaluate the difference between wants and needs. About halfway through the month I ran out of one of my moisturisers. I had been using two kinds - extravagant, I know - one for day, one for night. There was a brief moment when I thought I'd just go out and replace it, surely that would count as an essential… But I knew it wasn't essential (not even close) and two months later, I'm still using the one kind.

The other thing I've discovered is the power of the internet to make me want to consume. I had to unsubscribe from all of the newsletters I had subscribed to over the years; if I don't know that Anthropologie is having a sale then I'm not tempted to buy anything. So simple. But I also have to beware of blogs, particularly home and design blogs. Our home is a pretty funky mismatch of furniture we have been given over the years. Until recently we were still using my husband's great-grandmother's couch! It's certainly not a magazine worthy home, but it's comfortable and I think we've done well to make it us while spending very little money. There is a part of me though, that pines for my dream couch and is tempted to spend money whenever I see a beautiful home tour. So I'm staying away from all those beautiful design blogs for now. Call it a breather, good for my sanity and our wallets.

Have you ever done a no buy month? I'd highly recommend it.

indian summer

We're in the middle of an Indian summer, here in Sydney. During the day, the heat and humidity are constant and at night we're still sleeping with fans close by and nothing to cover us but a light sheet. While I'm getting quite sick of the never-ending heat, the one silver lining is that it's still beach weather. I've taken my mom to several beaches during her trip, but this postcard perfect one is my favourite. Hands down.

Last week, on yet another hot day, we drove south to the Royal National Park. It's a bit of a trek from Sydney, but oh so worth it. We had Wattamolla beach almost all to ourselves; no need to fight for a patch of sand and a piece of water like at most Sydney beaches. The water was crystal clear and we wasted no time diving in and taking Clementine for a swim. She cried when it was time to get out.

I've heard before that autumn is the best time for ocean swims, and I'm starting to believe it.

the next baby

Nursing newborn Clementine. This photo brings back so many memories… the flowers we were given following the birth, the heartfelt cards lining the shelves, and the never-ending breastfeeding. Photo taken by my friend Sonja.

Let me begin by saying that no, I am not pregnant. Or, more accurately, OH HELL NO!!

So now that that's cleared up... Ever since I was pregnant with Clementine, I found my thoughts drifting to the next pregnancy and the next baby. Part of it was practical; during my first trimester I napped every day and often slept for 12 hours a night. I knew I wouldn't be able to do that and take care of a toddler and I wondered how I would cope. I also felt sad that the first pregnancy, such a magical and special time, was so fleeting.

Now that I have a baby (and know just how much work is involved) I'm extra worried. When it takes me an hour to feed her or put her to sleep, I think, 'how on earth will I do this and parent another child?' Seriously, how do you mothers of two or more do it?

This also gets me pondering age gaps and what the ideal difference might be. My brother and I are exactly 4.5 years apart, which meant I was 5 grades ahead of him at school. While we get along well now and I think he's quite a cool person, we weren't exactly close growing up. I think the age difference was just too big. But it certainly would have been easier for my mom to take care of a newborn while her only other child was at school 6 hours a day. It seems to me that the most common age gap between siblings is two years, but I think that feels too rushed to me. Not least of all because I don't want to be changing diapers for two babies!

The other thing I have noticed is that I'm so happy right now with our little family of three, that part of me wants to keep it this way forever. It's hard to imagine changing that dynamic, but I know we will one day. When the time is right...

So tell me, how many kids do you have? How far apart are they? And how do you cope? I'd love to know!

p.s. my mom arrives on Monday so I'll be taking a few days off blogging, but I'll be back next Friday to share my fourth sling diaries post.

green thumb

I've never had a green thumb. I grew up in inner-city apartments and didn't have my first backyard until my husband and I moved in together. For about a year we lived in a funny old house with a big backyard that we mostly ignored. I mean, I loved, loved, loved having a yard to to enjoy but we never did any gardening per se. Once in a blue moon my husband would mow the lawn but that was about it.

When our landlords sold that house we moved into an apartment. In many ways it was a huge improvement on the house (no mice! built in storage! a proper bathroom with a toilet!) but with one majordrawback: no yard. Not even a balcony. Because of this, I've found myself craving green over the years but I've always ended up killing any plant that passes through our door.

Recently I was inspired again, so I picked up two succulents at our neighbourhood nursery. They really do make the apartment feel homier and I love the simple act of taking care of something and watching it grow. I've had them for a couple of months now, and they seem to be doing well. So well that I'm thinking of branching out and trying something other than succulents. Maybe someday I will have a green thumb after all...

losing scout

I never used to be a dog person. In fact, I couldn't really understand how people could love dogs so much. It's not that I didn't like them; I did. I just found them a bit slobbery and stinky.

And then one day my dad bought a puppy. The cutest ball of fluff you ever did see, and it was love at first sight. She grew up to be the sweetest, funniest, most adventurous and smartest dog around. I didn't care that she was slobbery and a bit stinky; she was ours and we loved her.

Scout was my dad's dog but my mom, my brother and I took care of her a fair bit. I used to take her rock climbing with me and she would hang out at the bottom of the cliff until occasionally you would look up and see her at the top of the climb. She hated to be apart from her people so if she could, she would dart up to make sure everyone was safe. Her herding instinct never went away.

I really don't think it's an exaggeration to say that Scout changed my life, for the better. When I realised how much I could love an animal, it made me want to stop eating other animals. I would look into her big brown eyes and think, "if I'm not prepared to eat her, then I shouldn't be able to eat any other animal either." I still don't.

Mostly she taught me just how clever and amazing animals really are. Fiercely loyal, she loved my whole family but my dad best of all. When he went away she was never quite herself, until he would come back and she would get so excited she would pee.

Following the car accident in Mexico, my dad looked for her but never found her. Searching for a lost dog in a Mexican city is like looking for a needle in a haystack. He's back at home now, without her. I can't even tell you how many tears have been shed in the process. The hardest part is the not knowing. There have been a couple of sightings so we know that she was alive, but now, who knows? I worry about her constantly, wondering if she has enough to eat, a safe place to sleep or if she is injured. Every day I hope that she is ok, and that someone has found her and is looking after her.

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I probably won't see her again. I will miss her, always.

a letter to my dog / puppy fever

lucky

photos by our friend, Gui Jorge

Last week I was sitting at a cafe sipping my chai while Clementine chewed on dried apple in her pram. An older man came up to us, and started to play peek-a-boo with Clementine. She was laughing and kicking her legs, delighted by the attention. The man started to tell me that he has grandchildren, whom he adores, but that he missed out on this with his own children. He explained that he had to work 6 days a week and would leave when his kids were asleep and come home when they were tucked into bed again. He told me that I was lucky to be spending this time with her.

I do feel lucky, I really do. I feel lucky that my husband has a great job that he enjoys that enables me to stay home and take care of our baby. I love that I'm the first and last person she sees each day. I love watching her look of pride and astonishment as she learns something new, like pulling herself up to stand or starting to crawl. I love that I get to spend all day, every day, with this funny little person.

on our own (for the week)

My husband's been out of town this week for work so it's been just Clementine and I. To be honest, I was slightly terrified at the thought but it's all worked out perfectly. We've had one of those lovely weeks with long naps, library sing-a-longs and lots of play time with friends. I'm just realising lately how much happier Clementine is when other kids are around. She just adores babies, and kids too. Whenever she sees another baby, she crawls over quick as she can, starts giggling and then goes in for a pash. She's the cutest.

I'm also a bit proud, because in the absence of my husband I managed to be fairly productive and even ate well! I tend to eat a lot of toast when left to my own devices but lately I've been better at shopping, meal planning and cooking. Green leafy vegetables and lots of pulses have been making their way into the kitchen and I feel great as a result. Of course, there have been some sweets too. I made these almond & chocolate pots de creme, and they were delicious. So nice with a cup of tea (and the air conditioning on). I'm thinking of posting 'our day on a plate' next week, so stay tuned for that.

Lastly, see those little passport photos up there? Well they're for the little one's Canadian citizenship application. It was practically impossible to get a photo of her not smiling so this was the best we got. And after stalling for months, I sent off the paperwork and now I'm getting excited. Soon our daughter will have two citizenships, and then all that's left to do is for me to get my Australian citizenship and for the husband to become a Canadian citizen. So much bureaucracy!

this week

This week, I am…

• lying down whenever I get the chance; chasing after the world's most active 8 month old is full on
• thinking that homemade iced tea really is one of the nicest things to drink on a hot day
• watching The Newsroom, season 1, with my husband
• reading French books to Clementine and pondering whether to teach her Spanish or French and how to go about either?
• cooking a lot, and I'm so glad
• enjoying this talented lady's 52 project
• deciding whether or not to continue posting my own 52 project here, and leaning towards not
• re-reading some L.M. Montgomery (I love her)
• continuing to hope that my dad finds Scout, doing everything I can to help his search but also coming to terms with the fact that it's not looking good
• seeking inspiration for a newborn shoot I will be doing soon, thank you pinterest
• longing for these shoes but knowing that I really don't need more sandals!
• growing out my short-lived bangs and wishing my hair didn't end up in a messy bun. every. single. day.
• wanting to make this toque for Clementine
• dreaming of visiting Copenhagen and Stockholm, it can't be that hard to travel with a toddler, can it? (ha)

celebrating

This year, I had the most wonderful BirthdayChristmas. As always, I missed my family, but knowing that would be the case, my husband really tried to make it special. I don't normally do anything to celebrate my birthday, but my good friend (who also organised my blessingway) insisted that I do something. And so, a last minute email was sent inviting people to a vegetarian picnic in the park, and what do you know? People came. There were old friends, new friends, babies, babies in bellies, a puppy and a gaggle of kids. It was chaos, of the best kind.

A couple of days later, on my actual birthday, I slept in and was treated to pancakes and tea in bed. It's always been a tradition in my family for the birthday person to open their gifts in bed, and that's just what I did. I was spoiled with everything I asked for and more. My husband somehow tracked down The Horse watch I asked for (it was the only one in Sydney!), and a pair of sunglasses while my mom sent me clothes from my favourite Vancouver shops. My husband and I also received an iPad as a Christmas gift from his mum and step-dad, and boy oh boy, we are loving it!

In the afternoon we had Christmas lunch at my in laws' home. This year, for the first time, there were two babies there: Clementine and her second cousin. It really is true that children make Christmas magical, even when the children in question have no idea what's going on. Clementine was just happy that there were piles and piles of wrapping paper to play with. The first Christmas... what a milestone!

farewell 2013

It was a big year for us. A year full of baby growing, birthing, parenting, hosting, travelling, adapting, meeting new friends and spending time with old friends. This year I'm looking forward to more travel, more family time, more sleep (please!) and hopefully, hopefully, a reunion with my Scout.

This seems like a good time to thank each and every one of you who visits this space. Your comments encourage me and your blogs inspire me. And I continue to be amazed at all of the friends I have met through the world of blogging. Happy new year to you all!

this weekend

This weekend was for relaxing. For puttering and drinking tea. For framing our family photos (finally!) and making pancakes. For listening to podcasts and lying down. For having friends over to dinner and actually baking something. It was perfect.

What did you do this weekend?

happy and calm

I went to a yoga class yesterday. It had been a long time, far too long, since I last made it to someone else's class. While I teach 2 to 3 times a week, the truth is that it's been hard to maintain my own practice. In Vancouver I was able to practice at one of the local studios at least once a week and it felt amazing. To immerse myself in being a student once again was just what I needed.

When I first came to yoga it was at the end of 10 years of competitive gymnastics. I fell in love straight away. It was the opposite of being a gymnast. For the first time I found myself impressed with my body rather than constantly frustrated at its limitations. I was never fit, strong or flexible enough to be a great gymnast and I felt it keenly. At yoga none of that mattered. No one was going to force me into the splits (by sitting on top of me); wherever I was, that was good enough.

It's exactly what I try to teach my students. Yes, we challenge ourselves but we do so with gratitude and respect for our bodies. Not everyone can do the splits, and that's ok. In fact, as my physical practice has deteriorated changed, I've realised that my yoga practice right now is simple. It might be a few rounds of alternate nostril breathing in the morning, or 3 minutes in supta baddha konasana before I teach a class, or a single sound of om. What matters is that I slow down, breathe and find stillness, which is just what I did last night.

Last night, As our teacher guided us through a series of yin poses, a devoted student played the harmonium at the front of the room. We held each pose for 2 to 5 minutes, and as we did, I felt my breath deepen, my body soften and my mind relax. I left happy and calm.

If you have any questions about yoga, I'm happy to answer them (or find the answers for you) in the comments section.

p.s. yoga at home: some tips, the yoga of closet cleaning, some thoughts on teaching yoga 

Kinfolk Australia

This week I was lucky enough to attend two Kinfolk events: a media day and a dinner at Glenmore House. I had been trying to get along to one of their events for ages, so I was pinching myself that I got to spend two days in a row in the beautiful world of Kinfolk.

Earlier this week a small group of bloggers, artists, photographers and creatives gathered in the stunning home of Jessie James to meet Kinfolk's Co-Founder, Katie Searle-Williams, and Community Director, Julie Pointer. In between bites of yummy food (thank you Mario's Kitchen) I got to chatting with the girls about life in Portland, travel, family, and celebrating Christmas in the "wrong" climate. I was delighted to hear that Kinfolk is doing a feature soon on just this — alternative ways to celebrate Christmas, going beyond the traditional Christmas tree. I was also excited to learn of Kinfolk's Canadian connection; its Founding Editor, Nathan Williams, is Canadian and the magazine is printed in Vancouver.

I find it amazing that Katie and Nathan were able to create something so wildly successful pretty much straight out of college. And that their work has spread way beyond the magazine is also quite impressive. Their vision to foster small gatherings has quite literally become reality with dinners, workshops and events being held all over the world. In no small part thanks to Julie, who organises so many of these gatherings worldwide. Talking to Katie and Julie, it was obvious how driven and passionate they are about their work, and about their co-workers and contributors, who seem like family to them.

The next day my friend Katie and I drove out to Glenmore House for the largest ever Kinfolk dinner. The venue was completely perfect; Katie said it made her feel like she was back at home in the English countryside.

After getting snacks from the grazing table — a big farmhouse style table piled high with bread, cheese, nuts, crackers, strawberries, grapes, cherries and more — we sat down at the longest table I had ever seen. As you would expect from a Kinfolk gathering, every little detail from the menus to the flowers was perfect . Like a pinterest fairytale. The food came out family style, and as we shared with our neighbours we got to know and laugh with new friends. The highlights? A fig, mozzarella and caramelised onion pizza and a rose and almond rice pudding. It was a truly memorable evening and I just have to say thank you again to Luisa, and to Jaclyn for organising it.