a crappy week

I didn't intend to be absent from here for so long, but the truth is that last week was crap and I didn't feel like blogging. Parenting can be so humbling. You think you have it all together, and then you have a week from hell and you're left scratching your head. Last week, for reasons we couldn't figure out, it seriously seemed as though Clementine was possessed. She screamed for days on end, and was only happy ('happy' being a relative term) if I was holding her. The one upside was that I got lots of cuddles, which is unusual for my normally very independent toddler. But it was utterly exhausting, physically and emotionally. I spent all week wondering, "what am I doing wrong?"

On Sunday morning Clementine woke up, and just like that, all was well again. She went back to being her normal happy self. Later that day I noticed that one of her molars had popped through (her first), so I'm blaming week-of-hell on that. I have to admit that this scares me, because if that's what we have to go through with each molar…

This week has been much better already. I'm busy chasing Clementine and trying to keep up with my photography work. This weekend I got to shoot two newborns, one of whom was only a few hours old. Such a privilege.

On the home front, we're in the middle of a big furniture swap and re-arrange and it's all a bit chaotic. You can hardly move in our living room for all of the couches and chairs, most of which to be re-homed asap. One of our bookshelves fell apart (thank you Ikea), which means there are now books scattered all over the floor. I refuse to buy furniture from Ikea, so I'm hoping to find a new to us bookshelf on freecycle, or perhaps the side of the road... I hate when our home is this messy and disorganised, but I know that when it's all done, our place will look better than ever before. I can't wait.

how to deal with homesickness

I've been thinking a lot lately about being an expat (you'll understand why soon), and the inevitable homesickness that comes with living overseas. I had always loved to travel and had never actually felt homesick until I moved to Australia in 2009. Then, after having a baby here, I became even more homesick! I do, however, have some coping mechanisms and I thought I'd share them here today. If any of my fellow expats have other tips please share in the comments section.

Skype. This one is pretty obvious and is the main way I deal with missing my family and friends. I Skype with my mom at least 3 times a week, and honestly don't know what I'd do without it. Often we'll have Skype on while one of us is cooking or eating, and it makes it feel like we're just hanging out together and sharing a meal.

WhatsApp. One of my best friends just moved to Canada and we've been using WhatsApp to stay in touch. Just like when she lived here, we'll text each other bits and pieces throughout the day, normal things, like what we ate for lunch and photos of what we're up to. The casual nature of it makes it feel like she hasn't left. One of the things that makes me the saddest about living here, is that I feel like I've lost that close relationship with some of my best friends. We keep in touch but I know so little about their everyday life. Communicating every day, about the little things, really helps.

Maintain your traditions. Australians don't do Thanksgiving and Halloween has only recently been embraced, mostly by kids. One year we had a Halloween party, which mostly seemed to confuse our Australian friends, and was hilarious in its own way. I do make an effort each year to celebrate Thanksgiving though. Some years we've invited friends over and other times it has just been the two of us, eating stuffing and pumpkin pie, but I love it. One of my fellow Canadian yoga teaching friends and I were talking about doing a Thanksgiving yoga workshop followed by a feast this October, so stay tuned for that...

Have expat friends. This point was really driven home to me the other night. I was at a staff dinner where many of us are Canadians/Americans with Australian partners. We ended up having such a great heart to heart. It was so nice to connect with others who are in the exact same boat as me. We talked about our long term plans, missing our family, raising kids here and all kinds of other topics near and dear to us. Fair warning though, if you're a long term expat, make sure you also have friends who are from your new city. If your circle of friends is made up exclusively of other expats, you will never feel totally settled and you will be losing friends constantly (I know from experience).

Have a visit to look forward to. There was a stretch of 2.5 years where I didn't go home, and I didn't have a trip to look forward to. It was way too long! Even though our next visit to Vancouver is still 4 months away (and we booked our flights a couple of months ago), it makes such a difference to have a date in the calendar circled. Something to look forward to.

Don't expect everything to be the same at home. This is something I struggle with when I go home. There's a part of me that wants things to be just the same as when I left, but of course, they're not. My friends have new partners and jobs, businesses close and new ones take their place, and even my family moves and shifts. It's true that the only constant is change, and it's best to embrace it.

My next tips all fall under the same umbrella of immersing yourself:

Read. When I'm feeling homesick I like to re-read my favourite Canadian authors, like Douglas Coupland and L.M. Montgomery. I find the familiarity really soothing.

Watch. Watching movies and tv shows from Canada helps to quell the sadness that creeps in when I start to miss that good ol' Canadian accent. Earlier this year, I got hooked on Arctic Air. Sure, it's not the best show ever made but the Canadian accents and references made me happy and I was devastated that it was cancelled.

Listen. Every week I listen to my favourite podcast, The Vinyl Cafe, and it never fails to warm my heart. I also like to listen to CBC radio on my computer. I love hearing the news from Vancouver; it makes me feel like I'm still in touch.

Eat. Ok, so we don't really have a Canadian cuisine, per se, but we do have poutine. And maple syrup. And bloody caesars. And pumpkin pie. And enjoying them does me a world of good when I'm longing for Vancouver.

blerg

I had high hopes for this week. I had several blog posts written in my head and photos waiting to be uploaded. I also had lots of errands and to do's on my list, as well as friends I wanted to see. Instead, the stomach flu hit. Again. In the words of Liz Lemon, blerg.

It started with Clementine on Saturday; she had a mild tummy bug which seemed to clear by that evening. On Monday night my husband and I came down with a not at all mild version of the bug and spent most of the night throwing up. It was miserable. Even worse though, was the day we had yesterday. My husband had to go to work which left me alone with the little one, who was being her normal active self. I tried desperately to find someone to help me, to no avail, and then I cursed my status as an expat parent. I just kept thinking, if only my mom was here to help me…

I really wasn't coping so my husband came home from work a few hours early and took Clementine to the park. I fell into a deep sleep and only woke up once it was dark. Today we're all feeling much better, not 100% but getting there. And I managed to find a couple of babysitters to come and help me out, for which I am very thankful.

In happier news, we booked our flights to Canada! The plan was to go in July, for my bestie's wedding and also just because we love summer in Vancouver. Sadly, the fares were insanely expensive and after looking for several months we had to give up. Last week we found a sale fare over Christmas, and after hemming and hawing we booked them. I realised that it's been five years since I was home for Christmas, so we're all quite looking forward to it.

I'm also looking forward to this weekend, because we're taking family photos with Gui and Michaela. I have many beautiful mother daughter photos thanks to the sling diaries, but the last time we had family photos taken Clementine was just two months old. I can't wait to see what they capture this time around!

losing scout

I never used to be a dog person. In fact, I couldn't really understand how people could love dogs so much. It's not that I didn't like them; I did. I just found them a bit slobbery and stinky.

And then one day my dad bought a puppy. The cutest ball of fluff you ever did see, and it was love at first sight. She grew up to be the sweetest, funniest, most adventurous and smartest dog around. I didn't care that she was slobbery and a bit stinky; she was ours and we loved her.

Scout was my dad's dog but my mom, my brother and I took care of her a fair bit. I used to take her rock climbing with me and she would hang out at the bottom of the cliff until occasionally you would look up and see her at the top of the climb. She hated to be apart from her people so if she could, she would dart up to make sure everyone was safe. Her herding instinct never went away.

I really don't think it's an exaggeration to say that Scout changed my life, for the better. When I realised how much I could love an animal, it made me want to stop eating other animals. I would look into her big brown eyes and think, "if I'm not prepared to eat her, then I shouldn't be able to eat any other animal either." I still don't.

Mostly she taught me just how clever and amazing animals really are. Fiercely loyal, she loved my whole family but my dad best of all. When he went away she was never quite herself, until he would come back and she would get so excited she would pee.

Following the car accident in Mexico, my dad looked for her but never found her. Searching for a lost dog in a Mexican city is like looking for a needle in a haystack. He's back at home now, without her. I can't even tell you how many tears have been shed in the process. The hardest part is the not knowing. There have been a couple of sightings so we know that she was alive, but now, who knows? I worry about her constantly, wondering if she has enough to eat, a safe place to sleep or if she is injured. Every day I hope that she is ok, and that someone has found her and is looking after her.

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I probably won't see her again. I will miss her, always.

a letter to my dog / puppy fever

adjusting

To be completely honest, I haven't been adjusting back to life in Australia very well. I'm much more homesick that I normally am when I get back to Sydney. I had such a wonderful time in Vancouver, and I guess I just wasn't ready to leave.

While we were away, I got used to having my husband home with me. My mom was also around to help whenever she wasn't at work, and between the 3 of us, taking care of a baby was made oh so much easier! I didn't have to cook any meals or do any laundry, and in the morning, someone would take Clemmie so I could sleep in (until 7 or 8 am, my new idea of a sleep in). The day after we got back to Sydney, my husband went to work. It was such a shock to spend the whole (long) day alone with Clementine and to have to cook and clean too.

The other struggle has been that we're all jet lagged, Clementine especially. She's been waking up at 3 or 4 am, ready to party. So I'm operating with an even greater level of fatigue than before, and it's making me most unproductive. The suitcases remained on the floor for a good 5 days before I could get to them, and even now, half of their contents are just strewn around the apartment.

Sorry for the whinge; I just had to get that off my chest. And it's really not so bad. It has been quite nice to sleep in my bed and see my friends here, and people (my in laws especially) have been very helpful to me as we get back in the swing of things. I'm sure I'll start to feel better as the jet lag eases, and in the meantime, I'll enjoy the beautiful summery weather that we're having.

worst saturday ever

{my mom and her mom}

I feel like this post could also be titled, "crap that only happens to me." Because honestly, what kind of a yoga teacher injures herself so badly while teaching that she has to stop and go to the hospital? But I'm getting ahead of myself...

I was teaching my regular Saturday morning prenatal yoga class yesterday. We had about 10 minutes left and everyone was relaxing, when I walked back over to my mat and stubbed my toe against the wall. This isn't the first time this has happened, so I immediately knew that it was dislocated. Right away, I crouched down and pulled. My toe. Hard.

No go. It was still dislocated and quickly turning purple and swelling up. Epic fail. As calmly as I could, I told my class full of pregnant women that my toe was dislocated and I would need someone to get the manager to come help me. Amidst the chaos, a yoga teacher who had just finished teaching a class in the other room came in to finish teaching my class, while I hobbled downstairs with two people helping me. We called husband who came straight over and whisked me off to the emergency medical unit - by the by, EMU has got to be the best acronym ever- at the hospital.

I really thought that they would take pity on my heavily pregnant self in the emergency ward, but they could not have cared less. And so I waited in the stinky, gross emergency room with a dislocated toe for 3 and a half hours before I finally saw a doctor! For most of that time, I had no ice and no pain relief. Of course, once I did actually see a doctor it only took 10 minutes to fix the problem. Ten very uncomfortable minutes in which I got to practice my Calmbirth breathing and relaxation techniques while 2 needles were jabbed into my bony foot and the doctor manipulated my toe back into place. Once the ordeal was over, husband (always looking on the bright side) said: "I'm actually kind of glad that just happened cause we got to practice what we learned last weekend." Um, thanks. I can also now report that getting a toe relocated in Indonesia is faster (including a 1 hour taxi ride) than it is in Sydney. Good times.

So yes, we had grand plans for our Saturday, the husband and I. Spending all day in emergency was not one of them, and yet, this wasn't even the worst part of the day. While we waited, I got an email from my mom, one I had been hoping wouldn't come. She told me that my grandmother, my abuela, has terminal cancer that's progressing very fast.

My abuela - mother to five, grandmother to eleven - is so excited about her first great grandchild. After years of not making anything thanks to her failing eyesight, she actually knitted a sweater for the wriggle bum in my tummy. As for us, we have plane tickets for a trip to Canada and Colombia this summer (Australian winter). Husband couldn't wait to meet my family and I couldn't wait for my abuela to meet her first great grandbaby. At this point, it doesn't even look like she will get to hear of the birth of this little one. There's also no way that I can fly over to say goodbye this far along in my pregnancy. Instead, I will sit here and look at the beautiful photos I have of my abuela and tell my husband about what a great person she is. And from the other side of the world, I will be there for my mom.

p.s. my family, vintage 

being an adult (sucks)

Sometimes, being an adult just sucks. Like when your car breaks down in the middle of a busy highway in Sydney and you have to push it across multiple lanes of traffic and then spend the rest of your day sorting out towing and repair costs. Or when you miss your mom because you moved to the other side of the world. Or when the only mail you get are bills. Or when you feel like you're always cleaning, tidying, organizing and yet there's always a mess. Or when you realize you really, really, (I mean really) have to do your taxes.

Makes me wish I could be that smiley five year old again, frolicking in a field somewhere. What do you think sucks about being an adult? Please share...

how do you get out of a funk?

I feel like I'm in a bit of slump lately. I won't go into it all, but for various reasons I'm feeling scattered and not very motivated/productive. To give you a concrete example of this, I am currently trying to read 5 books at the same time (FIVE!) which, of course, means I am not getting through any of them.

So I want to know, how do you get out of a funk? Do you dance around to Alanis Morisette alone (consider that box ticked), read, run, watch chick flicks?? I need to know!

a week of gratitude

You may have noticed that I've been absent from this space for a while. And the truth is that it's been a really tough week. For now, I'm still too sad and raw to write about it, but I will, and soon.

But for this week, I was thinking that I'd like to get back in the swing of blogging because this little blog does bring me a lot of pleasure, something that I could use right about now. So I thought that each day this week I could just post a photo of something I'm grateful for, and a few words. Starting today...

This photo was taken last night by my friend Anna at a yogis potluck. Today I'm grateful for friends, for the friends in the photo (I'm on the far right trying to write an 'A') who make awesome vegan food and are always so helpful and more generally for all of my friends, both near and far.